literature

A Hatter's Invitation

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A Hatter’s Invitation


Lights up on a bookshop set. Upstage center there is a window and a door beside it to stage right. Upstage left and right are bookcases crammed with books. A ladder is propped up against the stage left case and comfortable armchairs are scattered over the down and center stage areas. Stage right there is a small table covered with books as well. It is early evening.
BELLE is sitting in a chair by the table, reading. There is a cup of tea balanced on the armrest. She is young—early to mid twenties—and wears a loose blue dress. She is in charge of the store and slightly obsessive compulsive. She has a calm and sweet manner and it almost always cool-headed.
ALICE enters through the upstage door, closes it behind her and then starts to laugh. She too is young, about the same age as BELLE. She wears a sensible gray or dark blue skirt suit and is reasonable but curious and slightly sarcastic. Though she looks the epitome of English ladyship, she very rarely acts it.


BELLE: (without looking up from her book) Hello, Alice. How was dinner in Wonderland?

ALICE: Complete nonsense. As usual. (snidely) Has anything happened between Mrs. Potts and Cogsworth yet?

BELLE: I make a habit of not interfering with other people’s relationships, dear.

ALICE: (Shakes her head. Then, brightly) You’ll never guess what happened just now. Just as I was coming back.

BELLE: You’re probably right. What happened?

ALICE: Reginald asked me to the spring dance next week.

BELLE: Did he really? You said no, I assume.

ALICE: But of course! Why would I want to go to the dance on the arm of that…that hatter? If I even wanted to go to the dance in the first place, that is. I’d much rather stay home with Dinah purring on my lap and a good book.

BELLE: Of course you would. (Pause as BELLE puts down her book and looks at ALICE) What about him repels you so much?

ALICE: Why, simply everything!

ALICE begins pacing the room anxiously, emphasizing her points as she speaks. The next few lines come quickly, almost overlapping.

ALICE: He’s a womanizer…

BELLE: I hear he’s reformed.

ALICE: (Without hearing) That huge green hat he insists on wearing is absolutely hideous…

BELLE: It’s the first one he ever made, Alice. He’s proud of it.

ALICE: He’s got absolutely no fashion sense.

BELLE: And since when did you care about that?

ALICE: (finally hearing BELLE’s comment) But he wears the most horrible clothes! An orange jacket with green trousers? And have you seen what he considers eveningwear? Sequins all over the place!

BELLE: Really, Alice, I think you should at least give the poor boy a chance.

ALICE: A chance! I can barely give him the time of day to say “how d’ye do?” without regretting it.

BELLE: Now, now. No need to snap at me.

ALICE: Sorry. But really! Have you ever had tea with him? Probably the most humiliating thing in my life! The first time we met, he told me straight out that my hair needed cutting and then asked me a riddle he didn’t even know the answer to! What’s the point of that? Besides being rude and difficult.

BELLE: He was nervous, surely.

ALICE: Why are you defending him?

BELLE: Why not?

ALICE: Because he’s…

BELLE: Maybe if you stopped and really talked to him for once, you’d get over those prejudices of yours. Did you know that Adam was once a beast? In quite the literal sense. But that didn’t stop me, now did it?

ALICE: But he wasn’t insane!

BELLE: (laugh) True. But I’ll bet you neither is Reginald. If you’d just give him a chance.

ALICE: No.

BELLE: Stop being so pigheaded.

ALICE: I am not pigheaded. (She gets up on the ladder and peruses the selection of books on the shelf, finally pulling one out and sitting down to flip through it)

BELLE: Of course not, Alice. I never said you were.

ALICE: You just did, Belle, and don’t you deny it.

BELLE: There are worse people to go to the dance with, you know.

ALICE: (sarcastically) Oh really? Who?

BELLE: (pause) I can’t think of any right now.

ALICE: Exactly! There’s no one in the entire world worse than Reginald Theophilus III!

BELLE: That was a little harsh, dear.

ALICE: It’s true.

BELLE: Don’t be so sure of yourself. What if you’re passing up a great opportunity to begin something special?

ALICE: Something special? Like getting my heart ripped out just when I’m starting to actually love him? I don’t think so.

BELLE: There you go.

ALICE: I’m afraid I don’t follow.

BELLE: You just admitted there might be a possibility of something growing between you.

ALICE: (horrified) I did not!

BELLE: Yes, you did, Alice, and don’t you deny it.

ALICE: (puts down her book and looks at BELLE) You just want me to humiliate myself, don’t you?

BELLE: No, of course not. I’m just trying to help you see what’s right in front of your nose.

ALICE: That’s another thing I can’t stand about him! His nose. It’s gigantic and horribly misshapen.

BELLE: It is not misshapen. You’re just projecting that onto him to try and get out of going on a date with him. Why not just be honest with yourself and accept his invitation to the dance? If something starts to happen, then you’ll know I’m right and if there’s nothing, I’m wrong. Either way, you find out what you’re really feeling.

ALICE: Hate? I already know I’m feeling that.

BELLE: Love is often mistaken for hate, Alice.

ALICE: Are you saying what I think you’re saying?

BELLE: That would depend on what you think I’m saying.

ALICE: I think you’re saying that I’m in love with him.

BELLE: Maybe I am.

ALICE: Belle!

REGINALD appears on the other side of the window. He is a few years older than the girls and wears an oversized lime green top hat and an orange suit jacket as ALICE described earlier. He holds a bouquet of flowers. Until noted otherwise, he presses up against the window and tries various ways of getting ALICE’s attention without success. He gets more and more desperate but will not enter the shop. BELLE notices him but doesn’t point him out to ALICE.

ALICE: Why is he chasing me of all people?

BELLE: Because you’re beautiful and smart and witty. A dream girl for any man.

ALICE: You are too. Why isn’t he drooling over your shoes?

BELLE: Simple. I’m already taken.

ALICE: Well, then, obviously, I need someone fast. But who?

BELLE: (pause. Then, half-jokingly) Reginald?

ALICE: Belle! It’s not funny! (Continued after a pause and sigh) Out of all the guys around, he had to ask me.

BELLE: Are you saying what I think you’re saying?

ALICE: (mockingly) That would depend on what you think I’m saying, Belle, dear.

BELLE: You really do want to go to the dance.

ALICE: I do not!

BELLE: (smug) I thought so. Aurora and I will have to take you out for a dress right away.

ALICE: But I really, really, really don’t want to go. Promise.

BELLE: Why not?

ALICE: Well…I…um…

BELLE: You’re not going to tell me you can’t dance, are you?

ALICE: Of course I can dance! That’s not the problem.

BELLE: Then what is?

ALICE: (pause, then all at once) I don’t want to be humiliated by showing up without a date.

BELLE: Is that all? That’s easy to fix, Alice. Just turn around.

ALICE: What are you talking about? Turn around…?

ALICE turns toward the window and sees REGINALD. She is surprised and a little embarrassed as he waves the bouquet at her and smiles. He presses the flowers to the window as if asking ALICE if she would reconsider. She hesitates.

BELLE: Go on. Your prince is waiting.

ALICE: I do not love him.

BELLE: Unless you’d rather go to the dance without a date, you’d better go catch that hatter.

ALICE makes no move toward the door and REGINALD’s face falls. He turns away from the window and fiddles dejectedly with the flowers but doesn’t leave. It’s obvious he’s waiting for her to change her mind.

BELLE: Alice! What will it take for you to realize that you don’t actually hate him?

ALICE: Nothing could make me not hate him.

BELLE: I’ll make a bet with you.

ALICE: A bet? Since when do you bet anything?

BELLE: Not important. I’ll bet you that you will have an amazing time with Reginald at the dance. If you don’t, you can stay a week at Adam’s castle with us. But if you do…

ALICE: Why do I not like that tone?

BELLE: If you do have a marvelous time, you have to go on another date with him. Just to make sure it wasn’t some sort of fluke.

ALICE: (Pause as she considers the bet) Fine.

BELLE stands and holds her hand out for ALICE in a very unfeminine gesture. ALICE takes it and they shake grimly though BELLE has a smile on her face. ALICE turns toward the door, hesitates, then marches out.
We see REGINALD turn on the other side of the window and he mimes talk to ALICE for a moment, instantly brightening. ALICE grudgingly accepts the flowers and replies in mime to something he said. He smiles widely and skips off. ALICE stays in the window for a moment, holding the flowers and she smiles thoughtfully.
BELLE watches the scene then crosses back to her chair.


BELLE: Good luck, Alice.

BELLE takes her book and her tea and exits downstage right into a backroom with a satisfied smile on her face.
Black out.
I wrote this for creative writing at Creek. It's based vaguely off of :iconbri-chan:'s works. My teacher didn't get it the first time it was read and told me that it wasn't funny because people didn't get who the characters were. So I made it more obvious and that's the version you have here. To me, it seems glaringly, obnoxiously obvious but oh well.

Short rant: My teacher thinks he's qualified to teach screenplay/stage play writing because he's written one. But truth be told, his dialogue sucked and he has no judge of other people's dialogue. Some of the stuff he said was really realistic was completely fake and forced. I just don't think he has the right to teach something he doesn't understand himself. Okay. I'm done now.

Alice and Belle belong to D*sney, don't sue me
© 2007 - 2024 dragonfhain
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StephyGtz's avatar
Reginald Is Pure Love!